I’m not entirely sure why I cling to my childhood, whether it’s nostalgia or an inability to let go or just the fact that toys and games have never really stopped making me happy in general, but I’ve noticed that toy manufacturers can make quite a lot of money by updating my childhood. They’ll take some clunky toy from the 1980s and redesign it with modern engineering technology and aesthetics to produce something much more advanced.

Perhaps in answer to my endless prayers, the latest toy range to undergo this treatment is the lego pirate range. Lego pirates are universally acknowledges as being the most awesome things on the planet ever.

Now, after many many years of pining, I can finally buy the Black Seas Barracuda, only with a banana for the monkey, a gold treasure chest, gold epaulettes on the captain, a mermaid for the figurehead, less garish colours and endless other updates and neologisms.

Unfortunately I have to wait until 2009 for this range to come out, by which time the world economy will have collapsed and we’ll all be living in sheepskin tents. Or whatever.

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