Snarky logic. Tuesday, Apr 7 2009 

Okay, this bugs me. Every time the Bain trial is revisited, someone points out that Bain Senior couldn’t have reached the trigger of the gun to shoot himself in the head because the rifle is too long.

You know what a rifle is? A tool. You know what a tool is? An extension of the human body. You know what also qualifies as a tool? Anything used to apply pressure to part of any other tool that is just slightly out of reach – such as the trigger of a gun, for example.

I shouldn’t expect too much though. We’re talking about lawyers here, who by their very nature are extremely intelligent but at the same time selectively stupid. They always do this pantomime where they hold a rifle to their head in front of the court and flail hopelessly trying to reach the trigger. Someone put them out of their misery – give them a sturdy twig.

Am I snarkier than usual? I have this growing concern that I’m going to turn into Victor Mildrew when I’m older.

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This post is an anagram of shit spot. Sunday, Apr 5 2009 

Mr. Nobody has never made his/her work public before so he/she is having a little trouble adjusting to the idea of his/her work appearing on the internet. In other words, the project involving the flying woman in her underpants is on hold until Mr. Nobody feels confident enough to exist on the internet.

Ah well…

In the meantime I’m trying to learn to draw properly myself. I realised while I was finishing Mr. Nobody’s drawing that the ability to draw actual proper cartoons might not necessarily be as beyond me as I had previously thought. Small steps…

I’m glad I have patience. While other people feel they need to have at least one great success before they’re 24 (because surely if Mozart wrote his first hit broadway musical while still in the womb, anyone who isn’t similarly precocious is an UTTER FAILURE), I’m aiming for a modest success by the time I’m 30.

More stuff. Tuesday, Jan 27 2009 

firstquarterpage2

Here’s another stuff. One quarter of a page of stuff anyway. Don’t ask me why I don’t just copy and paste everything when I’m clearly just tracing it anyway.

The comic is called ‘Kerry and the Shadow Puppets’. I know I’m not supposed to use the names of people I know but I thought ‘Kerry’ went well with ‘and the Shadow Puppets’. I think I’ll be able to get through one full page a week.

Hard work. Saturday, Jan 24 2009 

I forgot I was a perfectionist. I’ve spent the last two hours making imperceptible changes to the page I posted yesterday. I won’t bother posting the page with changes yet because it would serve no other value than as a minor spot-the-difference project.

I think I was too harsh on Wall·E the first time I watched it. The part where the humans get involved and everything gets all didactic isn’t too bad, it’s just disappointing that Pixar weren’t confident in the strength of Wall·E and Eve in the movie by themselves. They started out working perfectly with a ‘less is more’ principle, then they added more to the film and made it less. It’s like if you took a Buster Keaton short and spliced Star Wars onto the end of it.

Whatever happened to class? I’m looking at pictures of the Wellington Cup and amazed at how cheap the punters can make stylish clothes look. More Paris Hilton than Audrey Hepburn. Those participating have taken the concept of ‘high society’ and turned it into a dress-up competition. Like if you turned ‘My Fair Lady’ on its head and made everyone an Eliza Doolittle.

Wait, didn’t Audrey Hepburn star as Eliza Doolittle?

Reminder. Monday, Jan 12 2009 

Sometimes I’m compelled to mention that I really like Cat and Girl. It’s true that a lot of the time the jokes and references go over my head, but every now and then Dorothy creates strips that are wonderful in every possible way and I’d like to frame them and put them on the wall if I could.

Also sometimes xkcd strikes true to the heart of the heart of truth.

In fact I’m in such a good mood that I like everything right now.

The time for constructive procrastination is at an end. Friday, Jan 9 2009 

I’m in New Plymouth for my girlfriend’s sister’s wedding. I have no witty remarks to make about New Plymouth. It’s kind of like any other medium-sized New Zealand town. The weather has been nice.

When I get back I’m going to try to start ‘producing’ a webcomic. I spent most of last year thinking about what to do, how to do it, why to do it, where to do it, when to do it, who to do it, all that sort of thing… I pretty much have no excuses any more. No more ‘should I do it this way or that way, even though there is only a minor difference’ questions to ponder for weeks on end. Anything further I can no longer explain away as constructive procrastination.

Random observation: a CD entitled ‘The Word’s Greatest Worship Music’. Can you believe that all of the greatest worship music in the world is Christian in denomination? Apparently no Muslim or Hindu or Jew or Buddhist or Pagan or Unorthodox Toaster-Oven has ever written a worship song of any note whatsoever.

If there had been people in the world sensible enough to insert a ‘^’ symbol between ‘Greatest’ and ‘Worship’ with the word ‘Christian’ above it, there would be a lot less wars.

What am I doing? Wednesday, Nov 26 2008 

Nothing, apparently. I seem to have got into this lifestyle of watching DVDs and saving up for more advanced and collectible toys and being too lazy to take my girlfriend anywhere interesting. And daydreaming about projects I could be working on but never actually starting because the world seems to be too crowded with people doing things anyway. Every tenth person seems to have a webcomic or is writing a novel or working on some other creative thing.

I could try making a drop in the ocean but it would be like going to the Sevens wearing a silly costume and expecting to stand out.

Is it the Sevens where people wear silly costumes? I don’t know… something like that.

The only thing that stops me from giving up is that when I try finding a new author to read or a new webcomic to bookmark, I realise that 999 out of 1,000 people have no real talent. Do you know how many webcomics start with a strip where the characters are the cartoonist and his friend and they’re talking about how this is the first strip of their new webcomic? And usually one of them will say ‘we should say something interesting’ and the panel after that is an awkward silence. If you filter out drivel like that there’s not really as much competition as there seems.

I think my problem is that I’m always thinking of ways to shrink my comfort zone. I’m almost entirely unprepared to do anything that could in any way discomfort me. I could try working on a webcomic… but if it’s not absolutely perfect I’ll feel like I’ve wasted my time.

Comforting. Friday, Nov 14 2008 

Sometimes it’s nice just to know that I have this blog and that I could make an entry whenever I want to. La la la!

Refreshed. Sunday, Oct 26 2008 

Sometimes it’s therapeutic to stare at an empty blog entry page for an hour or two without actually writing anything.

Why are the soldiers trying to rescue the treasure chest and not the maiden who’s about to be eaten by a shark??? Wednesday, Oct 15 2008 

I’m not entirely sure why I cling to my childhood, whether it’s nostalgia or an inability to let go or just the fact that toys and games have never really stopped making me happy in general, but I’ve noticed that toy manufacturers can make quite a lot of money by updating my childhood. They’ll take some clunky toy from the 1980s and redesign it with modern engineering technology and aesthetics to produce something much more advanced.

Perhaps in answer to my endless prayers, the latest toy range to undergo this treatment is the lego pirate range. Lego pirates are universally acknowledges as being the most awesome things on the planet ever.

Now, after many many years of pining, I can finally buy the Black Seas Barracuda, only with a banana for the monkey, a gold treasure chest, gold epaulettes on the captain, a mermaid for the figurehead, less garish colours and endless other updates and neologisms.

Unfortunately I have to wait until 2009 for this range to come out, by which time the world economy will have collapsed and we’ll all be living in sheepskin tents. Or whatever.

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